So a couple of scattered things today.... in no particular order
1) I saw a bird yesterday morning as I walked to my car after saying goodbye to my beautiful wife. The bird had a stick in its mouth and flew off to the nest. It occurred to me that while building a family and lives together, it could simple be very similar to building a nest, weaving our emotions in and out of each others, and if twig cracks, we patch it, we get another twig. The whole nest doesn't fall apart. Just a though...
2) Poker sucks, I love it, I hate it, Poker sucks, I think that's all I need to say about that.
3) Next week is Jazz Fest, totally looking forward to it. We will be there 4/24-4/26, Here is a list of some of the bands I will see:
4/23
Jon Cleary
George Clinton
Then the tough one - Steel Pulse, Black Crowes, or Lionel Richie (I have seen the Crowes)
4/24
Cowboy Mouth?
Better Than Ezra
Simon and Garfunkel
4/25
Shawn Colvin
Then another tough one - Allman Brothers, Darius Rucker, Anita Baker, or Jonny Lang (he'd be my first choice i think, but any of these would be cool)
4) Lastly, I have the most wonderful wife ever. Luv u babe
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
4-13 Daily Doings
Ok, so I haven't posted in a while, so I though I would update this, and maybe get in the habit of doing it more frequently. My birtyhday is Thursday, and it falls in the "Bermuda Triangle" of birthdays with all my friends. Starting with my beautiful wife on March 24th, and ending with Kim in May, it is crazy.
So last night was weird, I had a dream that I basically stabbed myself in the arm, not with a knife our anything like that, I guess more like a hard poked with a butter knife, nothing too sharp. I got out of bed this morning, and went to the computer to read the scores, see how my fantasy baseball team did, and check Facebook. When I cam back done, Jane asked me if I'd had a nose bleed in my sleep, I went to the bathroom to check when I realized that I had stabbed myself in the arm with my fingernail around 5 am or so. Odd, thought it had been a dream....
The last few weeks have been crazy, between passover and my parents anniversary, we were crazy for the end of March and begining of April. This past weekend was fun though, we went to New York Raceway for those super fast go-carts, I have the fastest lap time in the second race, but only did 19 of the 20 laps because the woman driving in front of me woouldn't get out of the way even though the ref's were waiving her to the side.
This weekend should be fun, Jeff, Steph, and Sky are coming to visit, they will get here Friday night. My friends and I are also going out to Ninja NY, a restaraunt in Tribeca for dinner, should be a blast. Then brunch on Sunday at the Brew House. I can't wait.
I also need to say that I am the luckiest guy ever, because Jane loves me so much, and while I haven't received my birthday gift yet, I know what she got me and it is very exciting, a blu-ray player for us in the living room, and she preordered a video game that I have been waiting for called Red Dead Redemption which should be really cool. I am excited.
After that we head to New Orleans next week for Jazzfest, and then the World Series of Poker for me and Scot in June. Jane and I have been to Foxwoods a bunch in the last few months and played in a few tournaments along the way as I want to get some practice not being a donkey.
So I am thinking I want to get in the habit of updating this more frequently, even if just to post one of my father's really funny (or sometimes really lame) jokes.
So last night was weird, I had a dream that I basically stabbed myself in the arm, not with a knife our anything like that, I guess more like a hard poked with a butter knife, nothing too sharp. I got out of bed this morning, and went to the computer to read the scores, see how my fantasy baseball team did, and check Facebook. When I cam back done, Jane asked me if I'd had a nose bleed in my sleep, I went to the bathroom to check when I realized that I had stabbed myself in the arm with my fingernail around 5 am or so. Odd, thought it had been a dream....
The last few weeks have been crazy, between passover and my parents anniversary, we were crazy for the end of March and begining of April. This past weekend was fun though, we went to New York Raceway for those super fast go-carts, I have the fastest lap time in the second race, but only did 19 of the 20 laps because the woman driving in front of me woouldn't get out of the way even though the ref's were waiving her to the side.
This weekend should be fun, Jeff, Steph, and Sky are coming to visit, they will get here Friday night. My friends and I are also going out to Ninja NY, a restaraunt in Tribeca for dinner, should be a blast. Then brunch on Sunday at the Brew House. I can't wait.
I also need to say that I am the luckiest guy ever, because Jane loves me so much, and while I haven't received my birthday gift yet, I know what she got me and it is very exciting, a blu-ray player for us in the living room, and she preordered a video game that I have been waiting for called Red Dead Redemption which should be really cool. I am excited.
After that we head to New Orleans next week for Jazzfest, and then the World Series of Poker for me and Scot in June. Jane and I have been to Foxwoods a bunch in the last few months and played in a few tournaments along the way as I want to get some practice not being a donkey.
So I am thinking I want to get in the habit of updating this more frequently, even if just to post one of my father's really funny (or sometimes really lame) jokes.
Monday, August 31, 2009
My Love
I know that I tell you
Multiple times a day
That I really love you
More than I know how to say
Thoughts of you fill my heart
Thoughts of you complete my soul
Taking me places
Making me feel whole
What is it about you
That has me so mesmerized
There are so many places to begin
But I will start with your eyes
A feeling of comfort
A feeling of understanding
A warming sense that if I fall
You will be there for my landing
The look on you face
Every time you smile
Especially when you do it for me
Warming my heart all the while
I see your glow
I see you shine
I relish the time
Knowing that you are mine
Where did I go right
What deed is being returned
How did I get so lucky
To have your love earned
The way you love me
Unlike anyone before
So much happiness
Good times galore
These are just a few of the many
Things I can’t live without
But there is one thingI would certainly single out
There is little in life
That makes me feel like I could
As when you put your arms around me
And hug me like you do so good
Multiple times a day
That I really love you
More than I know how to say
Thoughts of you fill my heart
Thoughts of you complete my soul
Taking me places
Making me feel whole
What is it about you
That has me so mesmerized
There are so many places to begin
But I will start with your eyes
A feeling of comfort
A feeling of understanding
A warming sense that if I fall
You will be there for my landing
The look on you face
Every time you smile
Especially when you do it for me
Warming my heart all the while
I see your glow
I see you shine
I relish the time
Knowing that you are mine
Where did I go right
What deed is being returned
How did I get so lucky
To have your love earned
The way you love me
Unlike anyone before
So much happiness
Good times galore
These are just a few of the many
Things I can’t live without
But there is one thingI would certainly single out
There is little in life
That makes me feel like I could
As when you put your arms around me
And hug me like you do so good
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
"UNTIL THEY CLOSE THE DOORS"
"UNTIL THEY CLOSE THE DOORS"
A play by Michael T. Zeitz
2/24/07
Character List
Security Guard (could be loud speaker voice)
Michael
Tracy
Voice of Mother
Friend 1 (Woman, could also be voice of sister)
Friend 2 (Man)
Friend 3 (Woman, could be voice of Mother)
Voice of Sister
Loud Speaker voice (could be security guard)
ACT ONE:
SCENE ONE:
FADE IN:
(Enter stage right, Michael is in an airport carrying a single bag with him as he goes through a metal detector to meet the group of people he will be traveling with in on his trip to the Israel.)
SECURITY GUARD (to Michael)
Your boarding pass please, now extend your arms for me. Thank you, open your bag please, thank you.
(Guard checks the bag)
MICHAEL
No problem, (receives ticket back from Guard), thank you.
(Michael walks to a group of chairs state left and sits down next to Tracy and begins to talk to her)
MICHAEL
Birthright?
TRACY
Yeah Birthright, I’m Tracy
(Michael stretches him hand out to shake)
MICHAEL
Michael
TRACY
Can you believe this is happening; it’s all kind of overwhelming still. I mean, we’re getting ready to leave for Israel. It really hasn’t sunk in yet, you know the scholarship. I thought this day would never come. Now that it’s here, I can’t believe it either.
MICHAEL
I always new it would come; I just wasn’t sure what I’d do when I got here.
TRACY
I am not sure I understand you, you are here, so that means you received your scholarship, same as me, decided you were going to go to Israel, same as me, got your passport same as me, and when they open the doors to the jet way to board the plane, you’ll get on the plane, (PAUSE) same as me.
MICHAEL
You know it’s funny you say that, because I am the same as you, (PAUSE) right up until to the part where you said when they open the doors and we board.
TRACY
Now you’ve confused me… you aren’t committed to going yet? Do we need to worry about you?
MICHAEL
Well I’m here, aren’t I? So I am ninety nine percent committed, but someone told me I have until they close the doors to change my mind.
TRACY
Ok, so you’ve made up your mind, who tried to rattle your cage?
MICHAEL
Well since you ask.
(The lights over Tracy dim and the spotlight follows Michael to the center of the stage where he pulls a letter out of his back pocket and opens it up)
So I got this letter from Birthright Israel. Let me read you some of it.
"Congratulations, upon reviewing your application and the trips you have chosen, we have decided to accept you into the Birthright Program of your choice. We are holding
spots in all three of your requested programs, but based on your application we feel your first choice is definitely your best option. Your scholarship will cover airfare, accommodations, 3 square a day plus entry to the various museums we visit and activities we participate in. Your have the option of adding excursions to the conclusion of your trip and continue your adventure into any one of the surrounding companies. Feel free to discuss this with your Birthright representative when you call to confirm your place among 100’s of other young Jewish minds who are about to embark on a journey that will change your life. Blah, blah blah"
A journey that’s going to change my life… indeed, sure it will. I’m going to come home a better Jew, and pass the gospel of this trip to others contemplating a visit to the fatherland. A place ravaged by years of strife. A place where I can be killed walking down the street or on a public bus by a suicide bomber. An epic standoff between one nation and its neighbors that has been going on since the days of the Old Testament. I’ve been all over the world and back, East and West. What can I see here that I haven’t already seen? What I mean is, I know everyone has their own heritage, but it all kind of boils down to the same thing doesn’t it? Maybe I shouldn’t go, it’s still crazy there. Not as bad as it was the last time I was accepted to the program. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you. I’ve been accepted before, I believe it was in 1990, daddy Bush was in office, it was December I was accepted, but I turned them down. It had been only four months or so since Iraq had invaded Kuwait, and the world began building up forces in Saudi Arabia to liberate Kuwait. Since my trip was to occur in April, there was no way of knowing how safe it would be, or if there would still be a war going on. As it turned out, we all know how quickly Kuwait was liberated, and within a few months it was quiet again. I did tell myself I would go though, that is if I got accepted again. Maybe I would have been better not listening to my little sister. She told me to fill out the application this time. "Come on Michael, don’t be a wuss, this is the last year you will be eligible.. You are turning 26, after that, you are on your own" she said to me. I really didn’t expect to get to this point though. So then I had a flash of genius, let’s see what mom has to say about this.
(The phone rings, Michael pulls it out of his pocket and answers it.)
Voice of Mother
Hi honey, how was your day? So, did anything exciting today? You know, I was volunteering at the hospital, and bumped into this woman today who said she knew you. She told me to say hello.
Michael
Oh, cool, what’s her name?
Voice of Mother
I forgot to ask, sorry honey, it was crazy today. I ran out right after seeing her, I almost forgot my hair appointment, I told you how hard it is to get appointments with Brent.. Well it gets tougher when you’re late. It was a tough day.
Michael
Yeah must be a tough life
Voice of Mother
Stop ragging on me, I’m sensitive, you don’t want to hurt my feelings do you?
Michael (Said with a little sarcasm)
Of course, mom I would never do that, I know how sensitive you are. You know how much I love you I wouldn’t want you to cry.
Voice of Mother
Ok, that’s enough. How was your day?
Michael
I got a letter today that I am not sure what to do with; I’ve been accepted to the Birthright Israel program again.
Voice of Mother
That’s so wonderful we’re very happy for you. Is this the same program your sister did?
Michael
Yes it is, but the trip is different, this is more of an outdoor trip… we’ll do more hiking, biking, and rafting along with a lot of the historical stuff.
Voice of Mother
Wow sounds like fun, I’m jealous. You know I traveled a lot too when I was your age, you know, before I got married. Never did manage to make it to Israel though. It always seemed a little to dangerous for me. Don’t you think it’s a bit dangerous? You aren’t going to be near the West Bank or Gaza are you? You realize if you go you’ll have me worried sick the whole time. Maybe you shouldn’t go right now. Can you afford it? I can’t imagine this is free. Maybe you should save up and do it right, when it is safer.
Michael
This trip won’t cost me anything with the exception of incidentals, and yes it is a little crazy there, but its always crazy there, I’m sure we won’t be going anywhere near harm’s way. I can’t imagine they’d go anywhere that was even remotely a risk for the sake of the program. That’s stupid.
Voice of Mother
Are you calling me stupid? I’m your Mother, have some respect for me.
Michael
I wasn’t calling you stupid just the idea that they’d put us in harms way is stupid.
Voice of Mother
Well, no matter what I say to you, you’re going to make up your own mind. You have to decide for yourself whether or not to go. If I tell you not to go you’ll end up resenting me. Just know that it isn’t that I don’t want you to go, its just that I worry about you, you’re my son, I’m allowed to love you, and I’ll be a nervous wreck the whole time, but go ahead and make up your own mind. You’ll make the right decision. Sleep on it, don’t call ‘em tonight, you have a few days before the deadline to accept, don’t you?
Michael
Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll talk to you later.
(Michael closes his phone and places it back in his pocket)
Crazy isn’t she? Ok, well maybe not crazy, listen I know what you’re thinking, it’s only because she loves me, and you know something you’re right. It is because she loves me, and it is because cares about me so much that I feel guilty for asking her to lighten up just a little, but I guess she wouldn’t be a Jewish mom without at least giving me a little guilt right? So the next morning I woke up early and was ready to leave for work in record time. I got their a bit earlier than usual to try and clear my head. So I hung around outside for a cigarette.
(Michael moves to stage right pulls out a cigarette and lights it up. In walk three of the people that Michael works with. They light up as well.)
Friend One
Hey Michael, why are you here so early?
Michael
I’ve just got a lot on my mind… thought I’d get in early, have a smoke and try to keep myself distracted.
Friend Two
What’s up? Is everything ok?
Friend One
Didn’t he just say he came in early to get his mind off of whatever it is.. Don’t you listen?
Friend Two
Shut up
Friend One
You going to make me?
Friend Two
You think just because you’re a woman I won’t smack you?
Friend One
That’s rich, go ahead, you know what they say, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, I can’t promise the equal part… my reaction may hurt a bit more. You aren’t planning on having kids are you?
Friend Three
These two are pretty ridiculous aren’t they? You’d think they were sleeping together. Wait, you two aren’t sleeping together are you?
(Friends 1 and 2 look at each other and smile)
Oh shit, there goes the office… you couldn’t keep it in your pants could you?
(She punches friend 2 in the shoulder)
Friend Two
So Michael, what’s on your mind?
Michael
Assuming you really care, and aren’t looking for a clever way out of your little hole there, because you know we will get back to it as soon as I am done. I got a letter yesterday accepting me into the Birthright scholarship program. It looks like I might be going to go to Israel.
Friend Two
Wow, that sounds cool. Congratulations, you don’t sound excited why not?
Michael
Well because
Friend Three
Why should he sound excited? He’s been given a scholarship to a place that’s seen more bloodshed in the name of God then any other part of the world. Unless of course you’re on a suicide mission, then by all means go their,
Friend Two
Why do you have to be such an ass?
Friend Three
Come on, am I lying? First it is a fact that more blood has been shed in the name of God then anything else? And isn’t Jerusalem in Israel, the center of three major religions. All of them are fighting for religious right to the land. I am God’s chosen one, no I am, no I am. Sounds like a bunch of children fighting. What has that part of the world brought us anyhow? Nothing but headaches. We should do our nuclear testing there and make good use of the land by destroying it… it would solve a lot of problems. You and I both know it.
Friend One
Did I ever tell you how much of an ass you are? While I don’t personally see the point in going there either nothing but dessert and ruins… hop online and look at the pictures… its just as good and a lot cheaper… It is also a little less dramatic then listening to an ignoramus who thinks he is smarter than everyone as the stupidity dribbles out of his mouth.
Michael
You know it won’t be just about religion, it is about architecture, art, heritage, adventure, about a country often thought as a desert wasteland by those who don’t know when it is more like an oasis. Major metropolitan cities, amazing green fields in the north, a result of some of the most impressive irrigation work ever completed. It is definitely a feat worth seeing up close with your own eyes. You aren’t the least bit curious to know what it feels like to swim in an ocean that has so much salt that nothing can live in it?
Friend Three
Whatever, I’m heading in, we’ll be late if we don’t go now.
Michael
Yeah, I’ll be right in, I just want to finish my smoke.
Friend One
See you inside
Friend Two
I’ll catch up with you guys. Listen Michael, don’t pay attention to those two… I think you should do whatever your heart tells you to do… not your brain. You see what happens in situations like this you start to over think the cons, and don’t listen to the pros. I am not going to tell you what either of them are. You will make the right choice though when you know. I have to tell you though, I am a little jealous of you. I have spent my entire life in Fairfield County, I’ve never left, I also don’t have any desire to. Maybe that’s because I haven’t yet. You have, and they say the more you see the more you want to. Maybe that’s why I’m jealous, I want to do that, but I am afraid if I do, I will only want more, and may not have the ability.
(Michael’s phone rings)
Michael
Hello?
Voice of Sister
Hey Michael I just heard.
Michael
Hang on a second.
(puts the phone down and turns to friend)
Hey, I need to take this, its my little sister, I’ll be in when I am done talking to her, shouldn’t be long. Listen and thank you I appreciate how you feel, and it means a lot to me.
Friend Two
No problem, remember though just relax, you’ll make the right choice.
(Friend Two walks off stage)
Michael
Hey, sorry about that… what’s up kiddo?
Voice of Sister
Like you don’t know?
Michael
What are you talking about?
Voice of Sister
I just got of the phone with Mom. She told be about the scholarship. Copycat.
Michael
What are you talking about?
Voice of sister
You finally listened to me; you’re only doing it now because I did it last year.
Michael
Actually no, I was planning on do this when I was in high school, but you know, that whole war thing got in the way, and then I never reapplied.
Voice of Sister
Still though, you reapplied after I went, so you’re a copy cat.
Michael
Whatever dude
Voice of Sister
So why don’t you sound excited?
Michael
Well I spoke to mom too.
Voice of Sister
Yeah that might explain it.
Michael
She actually has me concerned about safety going over there. Not to mention the conversation I just had with my friends.
Voice of Sister
What did they say?
Michael
Trust me you don’t want to know. Let’s just say it didn’t ease my concerns much.
Voice of Sister
So now you’re going to listen to your little sister, because she’s already been there and back and better for it too.
Michael
Certainly couldn’t be any worse…
Voice of Sister
Smart Ass, do you want to listen or not?
Michael
Yeah go ahead.
Voice of Sister
I went on my trip, I got to see the Wall, Masada, The Dead Sea. I went to Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, Haifa and more. It was awesome. Every group that went had armed guards with them for protection god forbid something happens. I felt safer in Israel than I do here. You know there was a big bombing when I was in Israel? Yeah, I’m not sure how many people were killed or injured, but it made international news. The only thing is, it happened at the summer Olympics in Atlanta. Now I don’t want to trivialize the attack, but it serves as a reminder that it doesn’t matter where you are, when its your time, you could be here or there or in transit between, when your time comes it comes. You need to enjoy every minute of your life. I must tell you, I had an amazing time. I’m still friends with a bunch of the people from my trip. I talk to many of them often. You’ll make memories that will last a lifetime.
Michael
So when did you become wise beyond your years?
Voice of Sister
It isn’t my fault that I matured before you did.
Michael
Settle down, I’m not making fun of you, I’m complimenting you.
Voice of Sister
I know you probably need to get to work so all I am going to say is you should go to Israel. The only way you’ll be sorry is if you don’t go.
Michael
Maybe you’re right. I still need to think about it though. I’ll talk to you later.
(Michael closes his phone and puts it in his pocket again. Walks back to Tracy and sits down next to her,)
Loudspeaker voice
Final Call, now boarding all rows El Al flight 415 JFK to Ben Gurion International Airport, Tel Aviv, Israel. Final Call, now boarding all rows El Al flight 415 JFK to Ben Gurion International Airport, Tel Aviv, Israel.
Tracy
So does this mean you’ve thought about it?
Michael
I guess I did.
Tracy
And you think going is the right choice?
Michael
Well, I’m here aren’t I?
Tracy
Then good, let’s get on board so they don’t leave without us.
(Michael and Tracy get up together to board the plane. Michael stops and turns around. The stage lights go dark and projector screen is lowered with photos of the trip being shown on it and a spotlight on Michael, he stands there and looks at a few of the photos before turning to the audience and as he mentions the places he visited, as they show on the slides.)
Michael
That’s exactly what we did; we got on the plane and didn’t look back. A ten hour flight. It was well worth it though. We were running from the moment our feet hit the ground. Tracy and I hit it off right away and were inseparable for a large part of the tour. I have no regrets about this trip. Yeah my mother insisted I get an international phone and call her once a day to let her know I was safe. I did get scared once… in Jerusalem, the Israeli Defense Force pushed us into a store and cleared the streets as they investigated and abandoned backpack. It was such an incredible operation. One minute we didn’t see them, the next that had examined the bag and were gone. There was also an attack in Tel Aviv while I was in the Golan Heights. I was amazed; we visited the most amazing places… We got muddy in the Dead Sea; we climbed Masada at dawn and were able to watch the sunrise over Dead Sea and Jordan behind it. We hiked into the desert only to find an oasis with the most incredible cliff jumping I have had the luxury of doing and then had to repel down to the road where our buses were waiting. We slept in Bedouin blankets with 50 of us under one tent. Amazing natural springs with wildlife roaming free. From the south and the desert, we went north to the lush green fields of the Golan Heights, fields of crops that would blow your mind. The Western wall, the Temple mount, the final resting place of Yitzhak Rabin, Golda Meir, David Ben Gurion and others allowing us to pay our respects. I also learned an incredible lesson in Tzedakah, or charity. I’m not a religious person, not by a long shot. That isn’t to say that I’m not a spiritual person, just not overly religious. Well, when I was at the Western Wall, I was looking around when a an English speaking Hasidic man asked me to pray with him, I was extremely hesitant, like I said, I don’t remember much of what I’ve been taught. I declined, but we continued to talk. It was during our conversation that another man speaking Hebrew came over and asked if he could bless me. You see they will try and tie these red strings around your wrist when they do it. I said ok, and the man translated for me. When he was done he asked for Tzedakah, unfortunately I didn’t have any money on me, it was on the bus. The Hasidic man saw this, and offered the man a few Sheqles. It was roughly the equivalent of around fifty cents or so. The man turned it down, but the Hasidic man insisted saying it was Tzedakah. The man nodded and smiled. It was amazing to see this man’s generosity for a stranger. It’s not how much that matters but the giving. Oh, and my sister was right when its your time, your time. The night before we left Israel we were hanging out on the beach right outside this night club, just kicking back with a few drinks watching people coming and going talking about all the things we had done and seen. That same club one week later to the minute was attacked by a suicide bomber. I guess it wasn’t my time. So in the end life is an adventure and I’ll never forget this one. I just hope someday you all have the opportunity for an adventure like this to.
***Black Out***
--The End--
A play by Michael T. Zeitz
2/24/07
Character List
Security Guard (could be loud speaker voice)
Michael
Tracy
Voice of Mother
Friend 1 (Woman, could also be voice of sister)
Friend 2 (Man)
Friend 3 (Woman, could be voice of Mother)
Voice of Sister
Loud Speaker voice (could be security guard)
ACT ONE:
SCENE ONE:
FADE IN:
(Enter stage right, Michael is in an airport carrying a single bag with him as he goes through a metal detector to meet the group of people he will be traveling with in on his trip to the Israel.)
SECURITY GUARD (to Michael)
Your boarding pass please, now extend your arms for me. Thank you, open your bag please, thank you.
(Guard checks the bag)
MICHAEL
No problem, (receives ticket back from Guard), thank you.
(Michael walks to a group of chairs state left and sits down next to Tracy and begins to talk to her)
MICHAEL
Birthright?
TRACY
Yeah Birthright, I’m Tracy
(Michael stretches him hand out to shake)
MICHAEL
Michael
TRACY
Can you believe this is happening; it’s all kind of overwhelming still. I mean, we’re getting ready to leave for Israel. It really hasn’t sunk in yet, you know the scholarship. I thought this day would never come. Now that it’s here, I can’t believe it either.
MICHAEL
I always new it would come; I just wasn’t sure what I’d do when I got here.
TRACY
I am not sure I understand you, you are here, so that means you received your scholarship, same as me, decided you were going to go to Israel, same as me, got your passport same as me, and when they open the doors to the jet way to board the plane, you’ll get on the plane, (PAUSE) same as me.
MICHAEL
You know it’s funny you say that, because I am the same as you, (PAUSE) right up until to the part where you said when they open the doors and we board.
TRACY
Now you’ve confused me… you aren’t committed to going yet? Do we need to worry about you?
MICHAEL
Well I’m here, aren’t I? So I am ninety nine percent committed, but someone told me I have until they close the doors to change my mind.
TRACY
Ok, so you’ve made up your mind, who tried to rattle your cage?
MICHAEL
Well since you ask.
(The lights over Tracy dim and the spotlight follows Michael to the center of the stage where he pulls a letter out of his back pocket and opens it up)
So I got this letter from Birthright Israel. Let me read you some of it.
"Congratulations, upon reviewing your application and the trips you have chosen, we have decided to accept you into the Birthright Program of your choice. We are holding
spots in all three of your requested programs, but based on your application we feel your first choice is definitely your best option. Your scholarship will cover airfare, accommodations, 3 square a day plus entry to the various museums we visit and activities we participate in. Your have the option of adding excursions to the conclusion of your trip and continue your adventure into any one of the surrounding companies. Feel free to discuss this with your Birthright representative when you call to confirm your place among 100’s of other young Jewish minds who are about to embark on a journey that will change your life. Blah, blah blah"
A journey that’s going to change my life… indeed, sure it will. I’m going to come home a better Jew, and pass the gospel of this trip to others contemplating a visit to the fatherland. A place ravaged by years of strife. A place where I can be killed walking down the street or on a public bus by a suicide bomber. An epic standoff between one nation and its neighbors that has been going on since the days of the Old Testament. I’ve been all over the world and back, East and West. What can I see here that I haven’t already seen? What I mean is, I know everyone has their own heritage, but it all kind of boils down to the same thing doesn’t it? Maybe I shouldn’t go, it’s still crazy there. Not as bad as it was the last time I was accepted to the program. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you. I’ve been accepted before, I believe it was in 1990, daddy Bush was in office, it was December I was accepted, but I turned them down. It had been only four months or so since Iraq had invaded Kuwait, and the world began building up forces in Saudi Arabia to liberate Kuwait. Since my trip was to occur in April, there was no way of knowing how safe it would be, or if there would still be a war going on. As it turned out, we all know how quickly Kuwait was liberated, and within a few months it was quiet again. I did tell myself I would go though, that is if I got accepted again. Maybe I would have been better not listening to my little sister. She told me to fill out the application this time. "Come on Michael, don’t be a wuss, this is the last year you will be eligible.. You are turning 26, after that, you are on your own" she said to me. I really didn’t expect to get to this point though. So then I had a flash of genius, let’s see what mom has to say about this.
(The phone rings, Michael pulls it out of his pocket and answers it.)
Voice of Mother
Hi honey, how was your day? So, did anything exciting today? You know, I was volunteering at the hospital, and bumped into this woman today who said she knew you. She told me to say hello.
Michael
Oh, cool, what’s her name?
Voice of Mother
I forgot to ask, sorry honey, it was crazy today. I ran out right after seeing her, I almost forgot my hair appointment, I told you how hard it is to get appointments with Brent.. Well it gets tougher when you’re late. It was a tough day.
Michael
Yeah must be a tough life
Voice of Mother
Stop ragging on me, I’m sensitive, you don’t want to hurt my feelings do you?
Michael (Said with a little sarcasm)
Of course, mom I would never do that, I know how sensitive you are. You know how much I love you I wouldn’t want you to cry.
Voice of Mother
Ok, that’s enough. How was your day?
Michael
I got a letter today that I am not sure what to do with; I’ve been accepted to the Birthright Israel program again.
Voice of Mother
That’s so wonderful we’re very happy for you. Is this the same program your sister did?
Michael
Yes it is, but the trip is different, this is more of an outdoor trip… we’ll do more hiking, biking, and rafting along with a lot of the historical stuff.
Voice of Mother
Wow sounds like fun, I’m jealous. You know I traveled a lot too when I was your age, you know, before I got married. Never did manage to make it to Israel though. It always seemed a little to dangerous for me. Don’t you think it’s a bit dangerous? You aren’t going to be near the West Bank or Gaza are you? You realize if you go you’ll have me worried sick the whole time. Maybe you shouldn’t go right now. Can you afford it? I can’t imagine this is free. Maybe you should save up and do it right, when it is safer.
Michael
This trip won’t cost me anything with the exception of incidentals, and yes it is a little crazy there, but its always crazy there, I’m sure we won’t be going anywhere near harm’s way. I can’t imagine they’d go anywhere that was even remotely a risk for the sake of the program. That’s stupid.
Voice of Mother
Are you calling me stupid? I’m your Mother, have some respect for me.
Michael
I wasn’t calling you stupid just the idea that they’d put us in harms way is stupid.
Voice of Mother
Well, no matter what I say to you, you’re going to make up your own mind. You have to decide for yourself whether or not to go. If I tell you not to go you’ll end up resenting me. Just know that it isn’t that I don’t want you to go, its just that I worry about you, you’re my son, I’m allowed to love you, and I’ll be a nervous wreck the whole time, but go ahead and make up your own mind. You’ll make the right decision. Sleep on it, don’t call ‘em tonight, you have a few days before the deadline to accept, don’t you?
Michael
Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll talk to you later.
(Michael closes his phone and places it back in his pocket)
Crazy isn’t she? Ok, well maybe not crazy, listen I know what you’re thinking, it’s only because she loves me, and you know something you’re right. It is because she loves me, and it is because cares about me so much that I feel guilty for asking her to lighten up just a little, but I guess she wouldn’t be a Jewish mom without at least giving me a little guilt right? So the next morning I woke up early and was ready to leave for work in record time. I got their a bit earlier than usual to try and clear my head. So I hung around outside for a cigarette.
(Michael moves to stage right pulls out a cigarette and lights it up. In walk three of the people that Michael works with. They light up as well.)
Friend One
Hey Michael, why are you here so early?
Michael
I’ve just got a lot on my mind… thought I’d get in early, have a smoke and try to keep myself distracted.
Friend Two
What’s up? Is everything ok?
Friend One
Didn’t he just say he came in early to get his mind off of whatever it is.. Don’t you listen?
Friend Two
Shut up
Friend One
You going to make me?
Friend Two
You think just because you’re a woman I won’t smack you?
Friend One
That’s rich, go ahead, you know what they say, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, I can’t promise the equal part… my reaction may hurt a bit more. You aren’t planning on having kids are you?
Friend Three
These two are pretty ridiculous aren’t they? You’d think they were sleeping together. Wait, you two aren’t sleeping together are you?
(Friends 1 and 2 look at each other and smile)
Oh shit, there goes the office… you couldn’t keep it in your pants could you?
(She punches friend 2 in the shoulder)
Friend Two
So Michael, what’s on your mind?
Michael
Assuming you really care, and aren’t looking for a clever way out of your little hole there, because you know we will get back to it as soon as I am done. I got a letter yesterday accepting me into the Birthright scholarship program. It looks like I might be going to go to Israel.
Friend Two
Wow, that sounds cool. Congratulations, you don’t sound excited why not?
Michael
Well because
Friend Three
Why should he sound excited? He’s been given a scholarship to a place that’s seen more bloodshed in the name of God then any other part of the world. Unless of course you’re on a suicide mission, then by all means go their,
Friend Two
Why do you have to be such an ass?
Friend Three
Come on, am I lying? First it is a fact that more blood has been shed in the name of God then anything else? And isn’t Jerusalem in Israel, the center of three major religions. All of them are fighting for religious right to the land. I am God’s chosen one, no I am, no I am. Sounds like a bunch of children fighting. What has that part of the world brought us anyhow? Nothing but headaches. We should do our nuclear testing there and make good use of the land by destroying it… it would solve a lot of problems. You and I both know it.
Friend One
Did I ever tell you how much of an ass you are? While I don’t personally see the point in going there either nothing but dessert and ruins… hop online and look at the pictures… its just as good and a lot cheaper… It is also a little less dramatic then listening to an ignoramus who thinks he is smarter than everyone as the stupidity dribbles out of his mouth.
Michael
You know it won’t be just about religion, it is about architecture, art, heritage, adventure, about a country often thought as a desert wasteland by those who don’t know when it is more like an oasis. Major metropolitan cities, amazing green fields in the north, a result of some of the most impressive irrigation work ever completed. It is definitely a feat worth seeing up close with your own eyes. You aren’t the least bit curious to know what it feels like to swim in an ocean that has so much salt that nothing can live in it?
Friend Three
Whatever, I’m heading in, we’ll be late if we don’t go now.
Michael
Yeah, I’ll be right in, I just want to finish my smoke.
Friend One
See you inside
Friend Two
I’ll catch up with you guys. Listen Michael, don’t pay attention to those two… I think you should do whatever your heart tells you to do… not your brain. You see what happens in situations like this you start to over think the cons, and don’t listen to the pros. I am not going to tell you what either of them are. You will make the right choice though when you know. I have to tell you though, I am a little jealous of you. I have spent my entire life in Fairfield County, I’ve never left, I also don’t have any desire to. Maybe that’s because I haven’t yet. You have, and they say the more you see the more you want to. Maybe that’s why I’m jealous, I want to do that, but I am afraid if I do, I will only want more, and may not have the ability.
(Michael’s phone rings)
Michael
Hello?
Voice of Sister
Hey Michael I just heard.
Michael
Hang on a second.
(puts the phone down and turns to friend)
Hey, I need to take this, its my little sister, I’ll be in when I am done talking to her, shouldn’t be long. Listen and thank you I appreciate how you feel, and it means a lot to me.
Friend Two
No problem, remember though just relax, you’ll make the right choice.
(Friend Two walks off stage)
Michael
Hey, sorry about that… what’s up kiddo?
Voice of Sister
Like you don’t know?
Michael
What are you talking about?
Voice of Sister
I just got of the phone with Mom. She told be about the scholarship. Copycat.
Michael
What are you talking about?
Voice of sister
You finally listened to me; you’re only doing it now because I did it last year.
Michael
Actually no, I was planning on do this when I was in high school, but you know, that whole war thing got in the way, and then I never reapplied.
Voice of Sister
Still though, you reapplied after I went, so you’re a copy cat.
Michael
Whatever dude
Voice of Sister
So why don’t you sound excited?
Michael
Well I spoke to mom too.
Voice of Sister
Yeah that might explain it.
Michael
She actually has me concerned about safety going over there. Not to mention the conversation I just had with my friends.
Voice of Sister
What did they say?
Michael
Trust me you don’t want to know. Let’s just say it didn’t ease my concerns much.
Voice of Sister
So now you’re going to listen to your little sister, because she’s already been there and back and better for it too.
Michael
Certainly couldn’t be any worse…
Voice of Sister
Smart Ass, do you want to listen or not?
Michael
Yeah go ahead.
Voice of Sister
I went on my trip, I got to see the Wall, Masada, The Dead Sea. I went to Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, Haifa and more. It was awesome. Every group that went had armed guards with them for protection god forbid something happens. I felt safer in Israel than I do here. You know there was a big bombing when I was in Israel? Yeah, I’m not sure how many people were killed or injured, but it made international news. The only thing is, it happened at the summer Olympics in Atlanta. Now I don’t want to trivialize the attack, but it serves as a reminder that it doesn’t matter where you are, when its your time, you could be here or there or in transit between, when your time comes it comes. You need to enjoy every minute of your life. I must tell you, I had an amazing time. I’m still friends with a bunch of the people from my trip. I talk to many of them often. You’ll make memories that will last a lifetime.
Michael
So when did you become wise beyond your years?
Voice of Sister
It isn’t my fault that I matured before you did.
Michael
Settle down, I’m not making fun of you, I’m complimenting you.
Voice of Sister
I know you probably need to get to work so all I am going to say is you should go to Israel. The only way you’ll be sorry is if you don’t go.
Michael
Maybe you’re right. I still need to think about it though. I’ll talk to you later.
(Michael closes his phone and puts it in his pocket again. Walks back to Tracy and sits down next to her,)
Loudspeaker voice
Final Call, now boarding all rows El Al flight 415 JFK to Ben Gurion International Airport, Tel Aviv, Israel. Final Call, now boarding all rows El Al flight 415 JFK to Ben Gurion International Airport, Tel Aviv, Israel.
Tracy
So does this mean you’ve thought about it?
Michael
I guess I did.
Tracy
And you think going is the right choice?
Michael
Well, I’m here aren’t I?
Tracy
Then good, let’s get on board so they don’t leave without us.
(Michael and Tracy get up together to board the plane. Michael stops and turns around. The stage lights go dark and projector screen is lowered with photos of the trip being shown on it and a spotlight on Michael, he stands there and looks at a few of the photos before turning to the audience and as he mentions the places he visited, as they show on the slides.)
Michael
That’s exactly what we did; we got on the plane and didn’t look back. A ten hour flight. It was well worth it though. We were running from the moment our feet hit the ground. Tracy and I hit it off right away and were inseparable for a large part of the tour. I have no regrets about this trip. Yeah my mother insisted I get an international phone and call her once a day to let her know I was safe. I did get scared once… in Jerusalem, the Israeli Defense Force pushed us into a store and cleared the streets as they investigated and abandoned backpack. It was such an incredible operation. One minute we didn’t see them, the next that had examined the bag and were gone. There was also an attack in Tel Aviv while I was in the Golan Heights. I was amazed; we visited the most amazing places… We got muddy in the Dead Sea; we climbed Masada at dawn and were able to watch the sunrise over Dead Sea and Jordan behind it. We hiked into the desert only to find an oasis with the most incredible cliff jumping I have had the luxury of doing and then had to repel down to the road where our buses were waiting. We slept in Bedouin blankets with 50 of us under one tent. Amazing natural springs with wildlife roaming free. From the south and the desert, we went north to the lush green fields of the Golan Heights, fields of crops that would blow your mind. The Western wall, the Temple mount, the final resting place of Yitzhak Rabin, Golda Meir, David Ben Gurion and others allowing us to pay our respects. I also learned an incredible lesson in Tzedakah, or charity. I’m not a religious person, not by a long shot. That isn’t to say that I’m not a spiritual person, just not overly religious. Well, when I was at the Western Wall, I was looking around when a an English speaking Hasidic man asked me to pray with him, I was extremely hesitant, like I said, I don’t remember much of what I’ve been taught. I declined, but we continued to talk. It was during our conversation that another man speaking Hebrew came over and asked if he could bless me. You see they will try and tie these red strings around your wrist when they do it. I said ok, and the man translated for me. When he was done he asked for Tzedakah, unfortunately I didn’t have any money on me, it was on the bus. The Hasidic man saw this, and offered the man a few Sheqles. It was roughly the equivalent of around fifty cents or so. The man turned it down, but the Hasidic man insisted saying it was Tzedakah. The man nodded and smiled. It was amazing to see this man’s generosity for a stranger. It’s not how much that matters but the giving. Oh, and my sister was right when its your time, your time. The night before we left Israel we were hanging out on the beach right outside this night club, just kicking back with a few drinks watching people coming and going talking about all the things we had done and seen. That same club one week later to the minute was attacked by a suicide bomber. I guess it wasn’t my time. So in the end life is an adventure and I’ll never forget this one. I just hope someday you all have the opportunity for an adventure like this to.
***Black Out***
--The End--
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
What is cool? - What does cool mean to you.
Cool is a word that is situational, individual, and impossible to expressed simply.
What makes someone or something cool, who and what are cool? Is it that motorcycle you ride? Or the model airplanes you made as a kid? Do you think the Fonz was cool? Was it his bike that made him cool, or was it his attitude?
Tell me what you think in responses to this blog. You don't need to include your name, but include your age for a reference.
cool [kool] adjective, -er, -est, adverb, noun, verb
–adjective
1. moderately cold; neither warm nor cold: a rather cool evening.
2. feeling comfortably or moderately cold: I'm perfectly cool, but open the window if you feel hot. 3. imparting a sensation of moderate coldness or comfortable freedom from heat: a cool breeze.
4. permitting such a sensation: a cool dress.
5. not excited; calm; composed; under control: to remain cool in the face of disaster.
6. not hasty; deliberate: a cool and calculated action.
7. lacking in interest or enthusiasm: a cool reply to an invitation.
8. lacking in warmth or cordiality: a cool reception.
9. calmly audacious or impudent: a cool lie.
10. aloof or unresponsive; indifferent: He was cool to her passionate advances.
11. unaffected by emotions; disinterested; dispassionate: She made a cool appraisal of all the issues in the dispute.
12. Informal. (of a number or sum) without exaggeration or qualification: a cool million dollars.
13. (of colors) with green, blue, or violet predominating.
14. Slang.
a.great; fine; excellent: a real cool comic.
b.characterized by great facility; highly skilled or clever: cool maneuvers on the parallel bars.
c.socially adept: It's not cool to arrive at a party too early. –adverb
15. Informal. coolly.–noun
16. something that is cool; a cool part, place, time, etc.: in the cool of the evening.
17. coolness.
18. calmness; composure; poise: an executive noted for maintaining her cool under pressure. –verb (used without object)
19. to become cool (sometimes fol. by down or off): The soup cooled in five minutes. We cooled off in the mountain stream.
20. to become less ardent, cordial, etc.; become moderate.–verb (used with object)
21. to make cool; impart a sensation of coolness to.
22. to lessen the ardor or intensity of; allay; calm; moderate: Disappointment cooled his early zealousness.
—Verb phrases
23. cool down, to bring the body back to its normal physiological level after fast, vigorous exercise or activity by gradually slowing the pace of activity or by doing gentle exercises or stretches.
24. cool off, Informal. to become calmer or more reasonable: Wait until he cools off before you talk to him again.
25. cool out, Slang. to calm or settle down; relax: cooling out at the beach. —Idioms
26. blow one's cool.
27. cool it, Slang. calm down; take it easy.
28. cool one's heels.
What makes someone or something cool, who and what are cool? Is it that motorcycle you ride? Or the model airplanes you made as a kid? Do you think the Fonz was cool? Was it his bike that made him cool, or was it his attitude?
Tell me what you think in responses to this blog. You don't need to include your name, but include your age for a reference.
cool [kool] adjective, -er, -est, adverb, noun, verb
–adjective
1. moderately cold; neither warm nor cold: a rather cool evening.
2. feeling comfortably or moderately cold: I'm perfectly cool, but open the window if you feel hot. 3. imparting a sensation of moderate coldness or comfortable freedom from heat: a cool breeze.
4. permitting such a sensation: a cool dress.
5. not excited; calm; composed; under control: to remain cool in the face of disaster.
6. not hasty; deliberate: a cool and calculated action.
7. lacking in interest or enthusiasm: a cool reply to an invitation.
8. lacking in warmth or cordiality: a cool reception.
9. calmly audacious or impudent: a cool lie.
10. aloof or unresponsive; indifferent: He was cool to her passionate advances.
11. unaffected by emotions; disinterested; dispassionate: She made a cool appraisal of all the issues in the dispute.
12. Informal. (of a number or sum) without exaggeration or qualification: a cool million dollars.
13. (of colors) with green, blue, or violet predominating.
14. Slang.
a.great; fine; excellent: a real cool comic.
b.characterized by great facility; highly skilled or clever: cool maneuvers on the parallel bars.
c.socially adept: It's not cool to arrive at a party too early. –adverb
15. Informal. coolly.–noun
16. something that is cool; a cool part, place, time, etc.: in the cool of the evening.
17. coolness.
18. calmness; composure; poise: an executive noted for maintaining her cool under pressure. –verb (used without object)
19. to become cool (sometimes fol. by down or off): The soup cooled in five minutes. We cooled off in the mountain stream.
20. to become less ardent, cordial, etc.; become moderate.–verb (used with object)
21. to make cool; impart a sensation of coolness to.
22. to lessen the ardor or intensity of; allay; calm; moderate: Disappointment cooled his early zealousness.
—Verb phrases
23. cool down, to bring the body back to its normal physiological level after fast, vigorous exercise or activity by gradually slowing the pace of activity or by doing gentle exercises or stretches.
24. cool off, Informal. to become calmer or more reasonable: Wait until he cools off before you talk to him again.
25. cool out, Slang. to calm or settle down; relax: cooling out at the beach. —Idioms
26. blow one's cool.
27. cool it, Slang. calm down; take it easy.
28. cool one's heels.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Stupid Lawyer
****************************************
BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY.
This took place in Charlotte North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me.)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award contest.
BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY.
This took place in Charlotte North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires.
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me.)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award contest.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
New Math
Mathematics
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where so meone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
BUT -- If you really want a top score, try
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 126%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that, while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
Don't you just Love it!!!
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where so meone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
BUT -- If you really want a top score, try
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 126%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that, while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
Don't you just Love it!!!
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