OBSERVATIONS OF THE MALE RITUAL PREPARATION PRIOR TO AN INTRODUCTORY SOCIAL INTERACTION

“OBSERVATIONS OF THE MALE RITUAL PREPARATION PRIOR TO AN INTRODUCTORY SOCIAL INTERACTION”

A play by Michael Zeitz
1/1/08





Character List

Narrator
Brian – Lead
TV - Commercial
Terry – date in bar
Additional bar patrons









ACT ONE:

SCENE ONE:

FADE IN:

BRIAN’S APARTMENT - AFTERNOON

The room is dark, with just a few cracks of light coming in through the tightly drawn blinds blocking the mid day sun from the room. On the couch spread out lay Brian in a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt with a blanket loosely spread out across him. The glare of the TV that he left on to help him sleep shines on his face. On the TV is a commercial for a dating website, the volume is low, but we can hear the commercial.

TV
Perfect Match.com is America's most successful relationship service. The company is sponsored by one of America's most recognized match makers, best-selling satirist and television star Dr. Nelson Peter Harrisburg.

NARRATOR
Subject 613, Observation of Brian in preparations for evening out.

The clock behind the bed, one of the old flip number clocks, has changed from 4:29 to 4:30 P.M. and the alarm sounds.

BRIAN
Awe come on, 4:30 already?

Brian drops his hand on the clock and turns off the alarm, picks up the remote control and turns off the TV. He reaches for the shades and opens them up. As the light pours into the room, we get a better look at Brian’s apartment. Things appear mostly unpacked, but not completely. Brian walks up to his bureau and looks in the mirror hung above it and then down to the photo of him with a woman. Next to the photo is a printed copy of an email which reads in Brian’s voice as we see it on the bureau.

BRIAN
Hey Brian, yes this is a first for me to; I guess it’s ok to be nervous right? Either way, I’m really looking forward to meeting you; I’ll be the one wearing a pink shirt and reading a copy of “The Complete Poems of Robert Herrick.” C U at 7, looking forward to meeting you. “T”.

He opens one of the drawers and pulls out a shirt, underwear and socks, and neatly places them on his bureau. We see through the reflection in the mirror that it is quickly approaching 5. Brian goes to his closet and lays a pair of pants out on his bed. He moves to set up his ironing board, plugs in his iron, and grabs the towel from the hook on his closet door, and drops his clothes before walking into the bathroom. The bathroom is much more brightly lit than the rest of the apartment. Brian drapes his towel over the shower door and reaches in to turn the water on for his shower. He walks in front of the bathroom sink a grabs his toothbrush and brushes his teeth, followed by a brisk swirling of mouthwash. For a few moments he stands in front of the bathroom mirror just staring. As he stands there, we can see the clock by the bed through the door way. He leans over and picks up his shaving cream, lathers up and begins to shave. After finishing, he looks closely and doesn’t appear happy with the finish, lathers up again, and shaves again. This time he finishes with a more satisfying smoothness. He begins to trim the hairs in his nose and clips his fingernails, finishing with a nail file to make sure they are perfect. Brian turns around and steps into the shower. When he closes the curtain, we can see the outline of his body through the curtain, but are not able to make out much more. The curtain rod is just below the top of his head, and we can see him lather up his hair and complete his shower rituals, all along singing “What I Got” by Sublime. He finishes up in the shower, reaches down to turn off the water and begins to dry off. After he wraps himself in the towel he steps out of the shower and rubs the mist off the mirror so he can run a comb through his hair. He reaches for some moisturizer and places a little on his face, rubs it in, and applies some deodorant, then leaves the bathroom. Brian walks back out into his bedroom, drops the towel to the floor and puts on his underwear. He takes his pants and shirt to the ironing board and irons everything. He gets dressed and spends a few minutes in front of the mirror in his bedroom straightening his collar before moving back to the bathroom. In the bathroom, he does the finishing touches on his hair with a little gel, rinse his mouth out once more with mouthwash and sprays on a little cologne. He walks to his front door, grabs his sport coat and walks out the front door, shutting it behind him.

Fade out:

ACT ONE:

SCENE TWO:

Fade in:

ROCK’S CAFÉ – EARLY EVENING

Brian walks into the front door of the bar and does a quick survey of the spot. The bar is pretty trendy, the place is fairly well lit with light colored walls and angled mirrors at the top that catch the light and reflect the name of the bar onto the ceiling. Brian walks to the bar to order a drink when he notices someone, we see a beautiful women in a pink shirt reading a book at the, as he get’s up and walk past her we realize that this was not Herrick’s book of poetry, suddenly we realize what is happening as Brian walks up to a gentleman in a booth behind her in a pink shirt reading the book of poetry that we realize he is meeting a man he had met online not a woman.

BRIAN
Terry, Hi, it’s me Brian, nice to meet you.

Terry stands up to give Brian a hug, Brian smiles

TERRY
I didn’t think you would show up.

BRIAN
I was a little nervous too.

The two of them sit back down and Colin Hay’s “Waiting for my real life to begin” starts to play in the background. The Narrator’s voice speaks over the music

NARRATOR
After careful observation we have learned that regardless of orientation, preparatory behaviors of the male homosapien prior to an introductory social interaction seem to be consistent across the entire species, further preventing the classification of a single behavioral practice that would easily identify those with orientations straying from the species norm.